6th November 2025

• I stopped studying 24/7 because I realized I like math, but not that much.
• Socializing with other students helps. I’m not dumb, or weak, or lazy. It’s just that the courses are objectively hard. Most of us are struggling. I’m not the only one thinking about changing master’s, dropping out, giving up, etc. I need to be reminded of it frequently.
• I have my algebra midterm on Wednesday and I can’t believe how little I’ve learned through this course. Two months ago, I didn’t know what a manifold or a vector bundle (or whatever happens between two vector bundles) were – but now I do. But in algebra? Most results are universal properties and I don’t get what they are. It already took me some time to get what a quotient space is but universal properties are something that I feel like I’ll never understand. I am so desperate about algebra. I’m probably writing this blog post to procrastinate because I don’t even know where to start studying. Rip.
• I love international students because they take it so easy. It seems that they already went through this crisis as soon as they started university so nothing shocks them. I have a classmate that fascinates me because she seems sooo fucking lost lol, she barely speaks French, she often sleeps in class, she takes notes on a tiny notepad with a pencil (no colors, no highlighters, nothing), she’s always doing sports (never seen her in the library) and she’s so chill about it. I aspire to be like her.
• I can only yap about my studies for the moment. Sorry to be that kind of person. But also:

13 October 2025

• My master’s degree is hard and I’m not having fun. I have 3 courses this semester and hate 2 out of 3.
• Except for my functional analysis course, where the professors and the materials are absolutely great, the 2 others are a total mess. I don’t understand shit. Everything goes so fucking fast I don’t even have the time to absorb the content between the classes. The thing is, I work very, very hard and it still isn’t enough. I am realizing my own limits and it’s painful.
• I have no free time at all. I have no social interactions. Every day I wake up at the same time, go to class, and study until my body tells me to sleep. I can’t help comparing myself to others and it’s destroying me even more. This Swedish asshole told me he spent his weekend climbing at Fontainebleau while I spent the whole day at the library struggling to do “trivial” (I hate this word) exercises for my differential geometry class.
• I hate my algebra professor. He’s the kind of guy you could shoot yourself in front of and he’d said something like “you see, zis master’s isn’t for everyone. Only ze élite”.
• Of course, the universe thought that this was the best time to create unexpected family problems. My best friend is also going through a serious drama involving murders. I wish I could be present for my close ones but I can’t.
• I’m sick of having shallow conversations and nothing more. It’s my fault because I don’t open up to people but it also isn’t my fault because I can usually sense it when someone is ready to welcome my thoughts. I’m lonely.
• I hate lunchtime because I have to find a way to disappear without being noticed, and of course, it often gets awkward. I’m not sure how to tell people that seeing them casually munch on corpses makes my heart sink. I thought I could ignore it but 2 weeks ago I had lunch with a Danish classmate I supposed to be vegetarian (because she cared about the climate and social justice and Palestine and whatever) but she wasn’t. I wanted to cry and throw up the whole time.
• Thank God romanticization still works. I might be depressed, but I am depressed as a math student in Paris who’s in love.
• I love it when the warm sunshine meets the cold breeze of autumn.
• I love Turkish lentil soup so much.
• I stopped studying Arabic because I don’t have the time to.
• I am in love with Iclal (https://www.youtube.com/@iclaliano).
• Reminder: weird-ass symbols in a shit of paper and pedantic professors in a meaningless institution are making me miserable. It’s okay to be miserable, but I should have enough dignity to not be miserable about academia.
• I want to cry.